Japanese PM Hostage Drama Ends

TOKYO, JAPAN – After a harrowing 72-hour-ordeal, Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe escaped from the Florida compound where he’d been held hostage by a madman. The Prime Minister had landed in Washington D.C. on Thursday for high level talks with leaders in the American government. From there, the story became strange and dark. According to anonymous sources within the US government, scientists have been working for years on a Human-Orangutan Hybrid in a highly secret project funded by the Defense Department and the National Institutes of Health.

One subject was mistakenly released into the public, and is said to have captured Mr. Abe and his wife, Akie, and then hijacked an airplane bound for southern Florida. The couple spent an awkward weekend in the beast’s custody before slipping away early Sunday morning while it slept. Officials within the Japanese government expressed relief at their Prime Minister’s safe return. One senior advisor, speaking anonymously, said that the nation considers the United States off-limits until such time as Human-Orangutan hybrids have been removed from the capitol.

A team from the National Zoo has been dispatched to work with DoD and NIH personnel to safely recover the Human-Orangutan hybrid. Defense Department officials denied knowledge of the secret project and the recovery effort. At the National Institutes of Health, a spokesman referred reporters to the Defense Department. Zoo personnel admitted that they had been authorized to use lethal force on the beast if their high-power sedatives failed to bring it down.

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