National Care Bear Convention A Massive Success

WASHINGTON – Saturday’s National Care Bear Convention in Washington went off without a hitch, with the number of Care Bears in attendance blowing past expected turnout and rendering parts of the nation’s capital immobile for hours. Sister Conventions were hosted in cities across the United States and, indeed, around the world, as Care Bears of all stripes, colors, and symbols turned out in an incredible show of force for the values that, they say, are the core of America’s greatness.

Hoisting signs nominally in protest of the inauguration of a government whose values stand in stark contrast to the openness and tolerance that Care Bears cherish, the mood both in DC and around the world was reportedly ebullient, with gleeful Care Bears coming together in a show of love and patriotism. Some signs were pointed, based on the anti-Care Bear tenor of the campaign season, which saw racism and nationalism normalized by a campaign rooted in anti-Care Bear resentment and a false sense of America’s diminishment.

Social media on Saturday was flooded with pictures of Care Bear families and their signs. Slogans ran the gamut from snarky commentary to pure social justice messaging to inspirational, including: “Tummy Grabs Back!,”  “Black Bears Matter,” “Ask Me About My Intersectional Feminist Agenda (If You Can Bear It),” “Bears Don’t Threaten Schools,” “My Tummy, My Choice,” “Trans Bears Matter,” “Undocumented Bears Love America Too,” “Still With Bear,” “Science Bear Loves Science,” “Don’t Mess With Mama Bears,” “Packs Unite!,” “Winter is Coming. Got Fur?,” “Fired Up! Ready To Roar!”

In cities large and small, turnout for the National Care Bear Convention routinely outpaced organizers’ expectations and even permitted crowd size, but the conventions remained entirely peaceful, with no arrests reported despite Care Bear packs exceeding one hundred thousand in many cities. All told, experts believe that as many as 4.4 million American Care Bears participated in Saturday’s demonstration of unity and protest against the lesser angels of our nature, who have unfortunately taken the reins of all parts of American government. All seven continents saw Care Bears speaking up for their values, with a small contingent of Antarctic Care Bears posting pictures of their cold-weather convention to social media.

As the shock waves from Saturday’s Conventions ripple through America’s political system, many are wondering what’s next for Care Bear activism in this darker age of America. One Convention organizer speaking from the stage in Washington reminded the sea of attendees that despite recent setbacks, they are the ones with the power. “Never forget,” she said, “that we have the power of the Care Bear Stare, and that together, we can launch beams of love and caring that can soften the hardest of hearts and open the most tightly closed minds. Today we begin. In the end, we win!”

Across Washington, and in towns and cities around the world, crowds roared their approval.

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